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To love, or not to love?
(proverb)
"I often catch myself thinking about it. Is it because I'm not very good at relationships, not being involved in a serious one, in spite of the fact that I'm 22? Is it because most of my friends have already dated at least 5 partners? Is it because some of my peers are already married, or have become parents? Is it because of the Internet? Hollywood? Music?
Hmm... It seems that I'm so much behind the rest of the world that I will never be able to catch up. Is this true? And if it is, is it bad? And if it is, can I change that?
Follow up:
Not being involved in a relationship has been my status throughout most of my life, and I learned to enjoy this status. Things are in order, I have time for the activities I like, I have all the freedom I need, and I'm successful at pretty much everything I deal with. This has changed a couple of times, when I was involved in something one would call a relationship. That's when I learned that it is logically possible for me to wish that the person I call does not pick up the phone. It is also logically possible for me to propose something, hoping my proposal would be declined. I also realized that having a job is fantastic - I had a reason to spend more time in the office…
The relationships felt weird. I had to act in an unnatural way, doing irrational things such as the aforementioned ones. I sensed a change in myself, a negative one; and I'm amazed that I could keep it up that long. Fortunately, it ended fast enough, so I still have the 'right' to look in the mirror without accusing myself of being a very bad person.
Why was that happening? One could conclude that relationships are nothing but trouble, and should be avoided. Perhaps this is true… but… why do I often think about all my achievements being of no use, unless I can share them with someone? What do I do with all this 'freedom' I have? Why is my #1 motivating factor for doing things right - improve myself in order to deserve the right to be together with a great person?
It is incredible… regardless of my previous negative experiences, I keep looking for love, and I consciously don't try to stop myself from pursuing this objective. No matter how rational I (think I) am, in the long run, all my actions seem to be oriented towards finding true love.
It's all about perspectives. Having gone through the painful social connections I've had, I believe the right conclusion is that being with the wrong person is what makes a relationship unpleasant. Others could conclude that a relationship is unpleasant by definition, but I wholeheartedly disagree. The thought that keeps me alive is that eventually I'll manage to find a person to whom I can truly dedicate myself - my one and only. Otherwise my existence has no meaning."
Other thoughts
It is a good idea to keep old texts at hand, this particular piece was written about one year ago. I re-read it, seeing how things changed in the meantime, how some of them remained the same, or were expressed again afterwards in another form.
Rabbit attack is an expression of the self-improvement part (among other things).
Opening doors is about the motivating factor and self-improvement.
It is also true what they say - if you don't risk, you risk even more.
Today I can confirm that it is indeed about being with the right person; and that thoughts can materialize, if you act ;-)
Thank you!
7 comments
So, you found Her ?I feel just the same as you did.
Yes.I'm not sure I'm qualified for giving advice, nor I am sure you ask for it; but in any case, here is one bit of info you will find useful (and I am sure you were aware of):
Чтоб мудро жизнь прожить, знать надобно немало,
Два важных правила запомни для начала:
Ты лучше голодай, чем что попало есть,
И лучше будь один, чем вместе с кем попало.
Омар Хайям
somehow I have the same feelings... now about your motivation "improve myself in order to deserve the right to be together with a great person?" it's flawed I don't really understand how something like that can motivate you, is that really your motivation?anyway I'm definitely for not to love!
Yes, that's really my motivation, because I find other factors less attractive.It took me quite some time to reach this conclusion; and the most important thing is that it took me effort to find what is NOT my motivation (ex: not more money, not having the latest whiz-bang gadgets, etc).
You have to think about the global meaning of your life, and then sort your priorities. I sorted mine, and this is my current optimal solution.
I had my calculations re-done several times (with months to years between different iterations) and the result is always pretty much the same.
Being alone is also important, as is using your time properly when you are alone. But somehow each time I am alone I end up thinking about how to not be alone :-)
I thought I was the only one who thinks that way. Now I think I can wait till I'll turn 23 :)) 
WHAT THE HECK???şi de când se întreabă: "A iubi sau a nu iubi"???
dacă ar fi să fac abstracţie de titlu, aş... dar nu! nu pot să nu atrag atenţie la titlu! Cât de naivi sunteţi! Mi-e chiar tare nostim că citesc cum vă daţi cu părerea în privinţa faptului dacă merită sau nu să iubeşti! :))))
Dudes, relaaaaaaaaaaaax, it does NOT depend on you! Aş vrea să vă văd pe fiecare din voi când, într-o zi, o să vă "pălească la cap" dragostea! Şi dacă va lovi dureros, să nu vă plângeţi ulterior!
Dragostea, ca şi moartea, nu întreabă permisiunea voastră pentru a vă bate la inimă... :) unicul lucru pe care sunteţi în stare de a-l face, e doar să "acceleraţi" procesul, dar nicidecum nu să-l dominaţi şi, cu atât mai puţin, să-l controlaţi! :)
Toate astea, de fapt, cu condiţia unei iubiri adevărate :)
Apropos de (c) iubire adevărată: iată şi motivul acelui straniu comportament al tău, Alex, când zici că "It is logically possible for me to wish that the person I call does not pick up the phone. It is also logically possible for me to propose something, hoping my proposal would be declined. I also realized that having a job is fantastic - I had a reason to spend more time in the office…"
Toată problema constă în sinceritatea şi complexitatea relaţiei. Atunci când nu există implicare sentimentală mutuală, o relaţie nu are sens, doar dacă nu urmăreşte alt scop înafara celui emoţional, ceea ce nu cred c-ar fi fost cazul tău, Alex.
Ai dreptate, problema e că acest articol reprezintă viziunea unei submulţimi a societăţii, pentru care viaţa decurge altfel; mă refer la "geeks", "nerds" şi alte forme de viaţă a căror areal este UTM sau o instituţie similară :-)Nu e nimic rău în aceea că întrebarea e pusă în discuţie - asta e primul pas spre găsirea răspunsului, nu?
P.S. din câte am înţeles, răspunsul dat este un răspuns mai vechi într-o formă nouă; dar nu am găsit răspunsul original; poţi să mă ajuţi? ;-)
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